Life in a cocoon

The other day I had the most beautiful realisation which felt like a revelation at the time. In fact it was something I’d already known deep inside but hadn't bubbled up until then.

I was standing in the middle of the garden watching the sunset, admiring all the beauty that surrounded me. As I stood there on the earth I could feel the warmth of the ground under my bare feet and the golden light was dancing gently over my body. My arms were wide open like wings as if I could take off any minute despite gravity tugging me down. I was standing there all alone yet at the same time I was so connected. I was connected to the land. To plants, to animals, humans, spirits... As sweet tears rolled down on my cheeks I uttered the words to myself; I’m alone.. I am alone…but I’m also a part of everything in existence. My heart was full. This realisation was like a surrender to all the emotions that arose within me recently. As Rumi said, all emotions are like guests, they come and then go, welcome them in.

As my time in a cocoon is coming to an end, I know that my hiatus alone has brought life and vitality for which I have so much gratitude.

I’ve had a lot of time to turn within, and solitude has been a strong notion during this period.  I was really wondering if it was contradictory to my spiritual exploration where every understanding leads you to “oneness” while I was feeling alone at times. I wasn’t necessarily “lonely and sad” but more like “alone and accepting”. I know I'm so wealthy with the amount of beautiful people in my life and am grateful for the abundance they bring to me but it’s also true that there are times and situations when I will be alone. At any time, anything and anyone can change in my life and my reality can shift. However this doesn’t make us separate. This new understanding and acceptance is somehow incredibly liberating and it’s just as beautiful as the sense of togetherness.

Here I am, all alone, but I still feel you. I still carry you in my heart. And I find as I spend more time on my own, as one of my friends put it once, I can hear my heart more. I feel more. I love more.