Despair in her eyes..
This is Sahana, my host family’s help. She is one of my loyal starers. Sahana treated me like an alien for the first few days. She would never salute me or answer any of my simple Bangla questions but stare at me. In fact one day she came to my door, stood for minutes and just examined me intensely. Another day I was about to go out, opened the front door and got surprised by this woman crouching by the door. We both screamed.
Sahana is now used to me. We get on well. In fact my host mum told me she even likes me. I smile at her and ask how she is doing and she asks me back. I can’t understand her accent at all but give approximate answers. Later the same week when she came over to clean our place, I asked if I could take some photos of her and surprisingly she was sooo keen. I love all the lines on her face, her smile, her grey hair and missing teeth as they tell her story really well.
Sahana is around 55 years old. She’s been working for my host family for a long time helping out with all the household chores. She is married to one of the security guards on the complex where we are staying. The other day, Sahana didn’t come to clean our unit. I saw her but she didn’t talk to me. Her scarf was loosely done and her hair looked messy. My host mum said she was unwell today. I asked if she had a cold or something but they smiled gently and ignored my questions.
Later that day, the story unfolded. It was almost dinner time and Sahana was about to leave. She was crouching by the door and I was sitting opposite. My host home started telling what had happened. Sahana was insulted, dragged by her hair and beaten by her husband. Sahana’s husband is also someone else’s husband. He neglects Sahana and her family giving no financial or emotional support. Fed up with all the burden, Sahana talked to the General Manager of the complex they both work at hoping he could fix this unfairness as she herself can’t convince her husband to change. The GM agreed. He tells the husband to give certain amount of his salary to his first family. The husband is enraged by this. He goes home, mistreats Sahana every way he can. The story gets even sicker from here on. This man scratches his own body and tells the GM Sahana attacked him, and is believed. Poor Sahana, beaten and hurt, is then told she could no longer work at the complex because of her disrespectful and unacceptable behaviour…
All day Sahana refused to eat anything. She looked so sad, terribly wounded and weak. I couldn’t look into her eyes when my host mum was telling me what actually happened to her. When I did, I saw the deep sorrow in her eyes. I said “Sorry….I’m so sorry you’ve been through this and many more things similar to this… I’m Sorry..” and I meant it. I hope she knew.
In Bangladesh, 65% of married women suffer physical violence from their husbands. Bigamy is a common practice as it is legal and accepted in Islam. It typically ends up with a man getting married to many women that they can’t support financially. Emotional support isn’t even those women’s priority, which is sad in itself. I should, however, note that Bangladesh has been making a lot of progress recently and there are a tremendous amount of local and international NGOs working here on this issue.
I as I work every day I will do so hoping not to see anymore sadness like I saw in Sahana’s eyes. Here’s to all the wounded women. May you all be strong.
Sahana is now used to me. We get on well. In fact my host mum told me she even likes me. I smile at her and ask how she is doing and she asks me back. I can’t understand her accent at all but give approximate answers. Later the same week when she came over to clean our place, I asked if I could take some photos of her and surprisingly she was sooo keen. I love all the lines on her face, her smile, her grey hair and missing teeth as they tell her story really well.
Sahana is around 55 years old. She’s been working for my host family for a long time helping out with all the household chores. She is married to one of the security guards on the complex where we are staying. The other day, Sahana didn’t come to clean our unit. I saw her but she didn’t talk to me. Her scarf was loosely done and her hair looked messy. My host mum said she was unwell today. I asked if she had a cold or something but they smiled gently and ignored my questions.
Later that day, the story unfolded. It was almost dinner time and Sahana was about to leave. She was crouching by the door and I was sitting opposite. My host home started telling what had happened. Sahana was insulted, dragged by her hair and beaten by her husband. Sahana’s husband is also someone else’s husband. He neglects Sahana and her family giving no financial or emotional support. Fed up with all the burden, Sahana talked to the General Manager of the complex they both work at hoping he could fix this unfairness as she herself can’t convince her husband to change. The GM agreed. He tells the husband to give certain amount of his salary to his first family. The husband is enraged by this. He goes home, mistreats Sahana every way he can. The story gets even sicker from here on. This man scratches his own body and tells the GM Sahana attacked him, and is believed. Poor Sahana, beaten and hurt, is then told she could no longer work at the complex because of her disrespectful and unacceptable behaviour…
All day Sahana refused to eat anything. She looked so sad, terribly wounded and weak. I couldn’t look into her eyes when my host mum was telling me what actually happened to her. When I did, I saw the deep sorrow in her eyes. I said “Sorry….I’m so sorry you’ve been through this and many more things similar to this… I’m Sorry..” and I meant it. I hope she knew.
In Bangladesh, 65% of married women suffer physical violence from their husbands. Bigamy is a common practice as it is legal and accepted in Islam. It typically ends up with a man getting married to many women that they can’t support financially. Emotional support isn’t even those women’s priority, which is sad in itself. I should, however, note that Bangladesh has been making a lot of progress recently and there are a tremendous amount of local and international NGOs working here on this issue.
I as I work every day I will do so hoping not to see anymore sadness like I saw in Sahana’s eyes. Here’s to all the wounded women. May you all be strong.
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