Jumping off the Cliff

This was a big moment for me. Absolute fear. I couldn’t believe I agreed to do the thing that 10 minutes ago I’d said “no way” to. I’m not scared of heights but I have this deep fear of drowning from childhood trauma. When I said yes to this challenge and went up there I couldn’t think, hear or feel anything but my pounding heartbeat. I took a deep breath, shut my eyes tight, and jumped. 

Did I need to do that? Was it worth the painful moments of fear, panic, and dilemma? Isn’t it easy to stay in my comfort zone and enjoy the beauty of the scene from afar instead? The answer is I didn’t have to do it but I’m so glad I did because I was left with exhilaration as the blood moved in veins and my heart was pumping hard. The feeling that met me as I hit the water was “sheer bliss”. It made me feel so ALIVE. 

I’ve been thinking about this moment a lot recently as once again I find my fear creeping in. One wants security, one wants comfort but within that one tends to get lost. The spirit requires adventure, new beginnings, challenges so that you keep it young and fresh. I long for security, I long for belonging, I long for saying “Finally I have arrived” but my path is crooked and winding. It is lonesome at times and can be dangerous but often it leads me to some amazing views. So here I am in my risk zone. Here you are witnessing me as I take my steps forward and back and to the sides. Here we are holding space for each other. It feels good sometimes to have accountability as I move in my path. I’m avoiding using the word “forward” on purpose as my experience and wisdom have shown me that fulfillment isn’t especially in going forward but going in all kinds of directions. It is about expansion. So I want to expand, I want my life to expand so that I can reach the corners of infinity. That’s why I feel the fear, embrace it and do it. 

“What’s that you are seeking for?” I’ve been asked many times. I had my answers each time, perhaps slightly different but recently the answer’s landed on me: I am seeking to reconnect with my heart’s longing, my deepest desire, and how I can keep it alive despite the ever-changing circumstances. 

Self-discovery is a lifelong journey and Rumi asks “And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?” And I ask: “Do you want to? Do you want to get to know the person that you are? Do you want to live your life when you are alive?

I’m not encouraging you to jump from a cliff or face your biggest fear right away but what is it that you could do, one little step that you can take which will make you feel more alive today. After all, as said by Lao Tzu "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step".

If any of these speak to you and moved something inside, get in touch. Let’s have a chat over a cuppa. I'd love to hear from you.