The Journey - Spirituality

I was raised Muslim in a practising family in a very Turkish way. By this I mean that (as happens in each geography), I believe, we have our own interpretation as to what's acceptable and what's not. I had so much faith when I was a little kid but as I grew older I realised my faith was ruled by fear and guilt instead of love and compassion, and I was daunted by the punishments I would get if I lost my faith or did something sinful (!). I can't even say I was scared of hell because I couldn't get that far - I was more concerned about my immediate life right then as I was made to believe that I'd get punished in this lifetime first with failure, rejection, etc. My adolescent was nothing but a complete dilemma living in two extremes as I was torn between the dogma itself, and the fear that it brought, and my opposing tendency to rebel against it. 

In this chaos I ultimately ended up dismissing my spirituality completely as I removed myself away from religion. If you're a mystic at heart, though, you know that everything can't be explained rationally and there might be occasions when you experience a world beyond words. It could be a feeling or a bodily sensation. You can also get lost in a beautiful piece of art or music. In my case it is also a scene in nature. 

As a consequence of my inner and outer conflict I denied everything during that transition period. When I look back I notice Rumi was the only bond that was left and even then I tried really hard to think of him separate from any established religion. 

It wasn't until I did this life-impacting programme called The Journey at Embercombe that I claimed back an important part of me: my mystical and spiritual side. I found this in a medium that won't surprise anyone who knows me : nature.  As I connected with nature more I connected with myself more, and my spirit started to lift up as I stepped into a more wholesome way of being. I'm no saint and I'm still at the start of my spiritual journey, navigating my own path, but for the last two years as I've opened myself to who I am more, and accepted the parts of myself which were neglected for so long because of all of the fear, shame, guilt which were then replaced by anger. 

There's been a big shift in the way I see life now. This awakening has also brought so much gratitude and appreciation for life itself and helped me experience life with more joy.  I've already talked about permaculture (see post) as this experience also reinforced my current belief system deeply.  Everything I learnt from Mac Macartney about the Native American teachings as well as my recent studies on Eastern spirituality & philosophies, and even my yoga training on human anatomy leaves me in fascination and awe of all of that wisdom and technology. Additionally the way my indigenous Muisca friends back in Colombia perceive life and nature inspired me as well, as I saw many parallels between their teachings in the way the earth and all beings are seen and treated. 

I'm now getting ready for a deeper journey within as I retreat for a week this weekend. I know it won't be easy but as I said the other day to a friend I'm ready to go the extra mile if the experience will benefit me in the long run and I trust whole-heartedly that this one will.

PS: I will be sharing my experiences from the programme The Journey under different categories whilst preparing for the second leg of this programme, The Descent. For those who are interested please check out the Embercombe website and chat to me if you'd like. Please note I'm not advertising on behalf of them but simply sharing my experiences to inspire those who might be interested.