Why girl?

10.00 pm on Friday night. It is warm and still not completely dark.  I had a few drinks with a friend locally and am walking back home. There's noise, laughter, high heels, men and women in glamorous outfits, some in their work clothes, heavy scent of perfume, the smell of the kebab shop around the corner, smell of booze, not many black cabs but uber cars, summer vibes in the air. Oh and also a police car. A  typical weekend scene from Shoreditch. It's getting quieter as I leave masses behind. It's been a long week, I can't wait to get home and chill. I'm nearly there, seconds away from home.Then I see a group of young men coming from the opposite direction, instinctively my mind tells me to cross the road and move out of their way. I'm intimidated because of my past experiences - for instance, in the same area, again a group of men were coming from the opposite direction and one of them was walking a few steps in front of the gang and heading directly towards me. He seemed quite laid back and of course (!) was expecting me to give way to him - I say of course because some men think it is always up to women to make the move to get out of their way never vice versa, but I wanted to try and see what would happen once if I didn't move away from His Majesty's way.  As he came closer, fear and anger washed over my body but I didn't move out of his way. Obviously His Majesty realised this was an unusual situation and his aggression was building up. This woman had to move away from his way as he could not, he WOULD NOT! But the woman was not moving an inch and they were dead close and His Majesty had to think, think fast and he screamed. He screamed in my face and laughed out loud with his mates. He needed to be seen, no one could ignore his presence and also he needed a reaction. I reacted. I was furious. And of course, his friends - the so-called good guys apologised on his behalf. Huh!

I could have crossed the road, they would have laughed and teased me, I could have ignored them and they would have called me a cold bitch. I would have filled up with anger and come home and cried but I choose not to. I stay on the pavement because this is a basic right - moving through public space just like any other human being. As expected, one of them goes behind me and does a stupid gesture. I can pretend I didn't see but I choose not to. I turn back to him and ask what he is trying to achieve. He plays dumb. "Whaa? Whaa? I didn't do anything." One of them says "Cmon leave it. One of those feminists again" Excuse me? Yes, I'm truly a feminist but I don't think you understand neither feminism nor this situation we're in. They insist there was nothing wrong. One of them insists "what did he do, what did he do" You know exactly what he did but lemme tell you again what your eyes have just seen. I say no worries let's just go to the police. They are just around the corner. I'm serious. I'm not letting it go just like that.  Even if the police don't say anything which is probably what would have happened, I still want them to go through that discomfort that I experience all the time. They say "Why girl? You've misunderstood." Huh? Yeah, I heard that one before. The guy who was just trying to entertain himself and his friends simply by teasing a woman walking past comes back. Apologizes for the misunderstanding (!) and says "Come here, Give me a hug" just when you think it can't get any worse. Excuse me but why would I give you a hug? You really don't understand why your action earlier wasn't ok and this isn't ok? Take bloody responsibility for your actions and don't do it again. It's my neighbourhood where I should feel safest and you have no right to make me feel intimidated and threatened.

I don't remember if I walked or ran home. It was so fast. My easy and happy mood evaporated. I am extremely angry and upset. I cry a bit. I'm tired of this. All my life I've been catcalled, teased, told off for not smiling back to a stranger, etc etc. My female friends know exactly how this feels and perhaps some male friends can empathize and I'm sure they come across those ridiculous things their female friends do to avoid street harassment. What makes me even more furious is even in the middle of this so-called civilisation, men still act this way and it's thought to be okay. This has to change.

When I'm brave and feel safe enough to confront those men, I try not to just attack them but try to explain and make them empathize how it feels. I always ask "If it was your girl, sister, friend, would you let your friend do that?" No one ever responds to that but we all know the answer.

Talk to your friends, family, colleagues, men you meet on the tube, at the festival and shame those actions and attitude. If your friend is doing this, instead of laughing, react! Tell them it isn't ok. Tell them they are NOT cool. If you're passing by, don't "mind your own business". This is your business, too. Ally yourself with that person targeted. And do comment here if you have anything to share or suggest how to deal with such unpleasant situations and street harassers.

I don't like confrontations and it is sometimes easier not to bother but I'm glad I didn't let this one go. I would have though, easily, if we it hadn't been still earlyish and there hadn't been passers by and a police car at the end of the street. I'd have felt all the anger, fear and humiliation but would have crossed the road and walked away listening their laughters.

May we all walk down the streets free of fear