Dudh cha!

Cha! My favourite thing. I love going to tea stalls and have “ekta dudh chai chini cha ra” (milk tea, no sugar). I like the ambiance; a ramshackle hut, a couple of benches, sometimes the TV is on , an Indian soap is playing, hot water on the stove, a dark skinned tea stall guy lifting the big, black pot off the stove and pouring hot water down into a dozen glasses with stability and equanimity, his face is covered with steam, his eyes slowly narrow  while he’s inhaling his cigarette which is secured at the corner of his mouth all day long, men having paan* leaving their mouths and teeth red, they all smiling when I walk in and say “Nomoshkar. ” “Oh bideshi” I sometimes hear them saying.

Every day we go for cha several times. Fahad knows my addiction well now and accompanies me from one tea stall to another kindly. As people like to have lal cha here dudh cha is unavailable pretty much at every tea stall. That’s why I started carrying my milk powder inside a small container placed securely in my hand bag. Fahad finds this hilarious.

The other day everywhere was so packed with all those red-mouthed, skinny and smiley men, we couldn’t find a room to squeeze in. So we kept walking and walking until we came across to a quiet tea stall looking over a pond. It was raining a little bit and I could see the raindrops gently hitting the water making hundreds of circles which left me reminiscence about some moments somewhere far from here. I made myself comfortable on the bench, slipped my hand inside my bag to take out my precious dudh and gave it to Kakime. She laughed and said something in Bangla. I smiled at her abrupt and quiet laughter. A woman running a tea stall surprised me but my counterpart said it was not unusual in Bangladesh. Considering the amount of tea stalls I’ve seen since I arrived here last April, I wasn’t quite convinced. Whether or not it’s common, this woman’s got some special aura. It might be her sharp look or her posture. She is strong and confident. The kind that would make you think twice before you said something to her but I’m a bideshi and also petite which help break the ice between us - though not that quickly.

I was very keen to get a photo of her but she was quite adamant about not letting me. I didn’t insist and started to take pictures of the surrounding and passer-bys . Later on she discreetly pointed out the camera with her eyes and posed for me. That woman has her ways! There are people coming and going and she is busy with her own stuff but I’m restless. I need to find out her story. The only Kakime who runs a tea stall at the bazaar. She offers me my cha and jokes about having one herself. I say ‘’Jiii, go for it’’ She does. She sits opposite me and stares at me. I try to have a little conversation with my broken Bangla which she finds funny. I then start asking questions that I’ve been thinking of since the moment I met her. After a few questions, Fahad gives me a look. He knows what I’m getting at. She answers each question openly but it is hard to read her emotions. I pay attention to her facial expressions, tone of her voice, the look on her face - as well as Fahad’s as he seems to be surprised with her answers. I’m curiously waiting for the translation after every question… We all go through different problems and each life is unique but somehow the stories of rural women are quite similar in this land. Here's her story.. 

                         

Kakime gets married at the age of 15 and falls pregnant immediately. Her husband is violent and rude towards her and beats her up constantly. Despite all the pain she never considers leaving him but her husband kicks her out with to get married to someone else. Kakime young and vulnerable goes back to her family house that she left less than 2 years ago with her 8-month-old daughter. Once she was a child bride, now she is a child widow. One of the biggest issues in Bangladesh is child marriage. There are several reasons behind it such as traditional conservativeness, eve-teasing and dowry. Contrary to other dowry practices in different parts of the world, here a bride’s family pays money to the groom’s as the girls are considered to be a burden for their families and the older they get the more money the family needs to give to get rid of their burden who is an extra mouth to feed.  This causes girls (well children) to be wedded as young as 12. Knowing this, I ask what her family’s reaction was to have her back at the age of 17 with a baby and no husband. She says as they were aware of the cruelty of the husband, they didn’t mistreat her. Then she adds that there was an unwritten rule that she always had her meals separately and didn’t eat their food. She always provided for herself by being a help for so many years. After getting too old to be a maid, she started to run this tea stall a few years ago. Although she commutes from quite far, she seems to be happier with the life she’s leading now. Kakime’s life consists of one daughter, several grandchildren, a tea stall and a life full of struggles and challenges and an admiration from a bideshi for her strength.

                                         

I have to clarify I’m not the only curious one here. Kakima also asks me the most crucial questions: If I have siblings, what my father’s name is, if I am married and where my family live. I answer one by one. She is content.  

                                     

                                                         

                                                                   ……………………………………….

Since that day, I go to her tea stall whenever I can.  Due to the power cut which lasted for 3 days, I stayed somewhere else so I wasn’t around for a while. Today I was passing by on the other side of the road when she saw me. We waved hands and she invited me in with some gestures and her subtle smile. I said I’d come later and I did with one of my new national volunteers. I introduced Kakime as my “bontura” [friend ]since we, now know the most interesting parts of each other’s stories. 

*paan: a stimulant and has psychoactive effects. It leave your mouth and teeth red after you chew it.